Lovehoney Secret Agent Remote Control Vibrator Review: a discreet toy that’s fun but a bit noisy

I’ve been playing around with the Lovehoney Secret Agent remote control vibrator for a little while now, mostly for date nights and a couple of solo tests at home. On paper, it ticks a lot of boxes: small love egg, remote controlled, 10 modes, USB rechargeable, waterproof. Basically, the usual checklist for this kind of toy. I went in expecting something simple and fun, not some high-end magic device.

In real use, it’s pretty much that: a simple, no-frills vibrating egg that does the job if your expectations are realistic. It’s not the most powerful thing I’ve tried, and it’s definitely not the quietest either, but it’s usable and can be fun with a partner. For the price range, I’d call it decent, with a few annoying quirks.

What pushed me to try it was the remote and the idea of wearing it out of the house. I’ve tried bulkier wearable toys that just did not sit comfortably in underwear. This one is smaller and more like a classic love egg, so I was curious to see if it would actually be discreet enough for a bar or restaurant. Spoiler: it depends a lot on the background noise and the vibration level you use.

So overall, my experience with the Secret Agent is mixed but not terrible. It has some good points: easy charging, compact size, simple controls. But the noise level and the average power mean it’s not going to impress everyone. If you just want something playful for couples and don’t need super strong vibrations, it can work. If you’re picky about power or silence, you might be a bit disappointed.

Looking at the overall package, I’d say the Secret Agent sits in the “fair value” category. You’re paying for a basic but functional remote egg from a known brand, not for premium materials or top-tier power. If you judge it on that basis, it’s okay. It does what it says: it vibrates, it’s remote controlled, it’s waterproof, it’s rechargeable. No big surprises.

Where the value starts to feel a bit shaky is if you compare it to slightly more expensive silicone toys that offer stronger, quieter vibrations. If you can stretch your budget a bit, there are options that feel nicer in the hand and in the body. On the other hand, if you compare it to very cheap no-name love eggs, this one feels more reliable and better built, plus you get the Lovehoney support if something is faulty (and at least one Amazon review did say theirs arrived faulty).

The mixed reviews (from 1/5 to 5/5) make sense to me. If someone expects strong, quiet, super satisfying vibrations, they’ll probably be disappointed and feel they wasted their money. If someone just wants a simple, playful toy for couple games and isn’t too picky about power or noise, they’ll be happy and rate it highly. I personally land somewhere in the middle: it’s decent, but not impressive.

So, in terms of value, I’d recommend it for people who are curious about remote eggs and want to try one without spending a lot, and who are okay with a hard plastic build and average intensity. If you already have a few toys and you’re chasing stronger sensations or very quiet operation, you might be better off saving a bit more and going for a higher-end model.

Design-wise, the Secret Agent is pretty minimal. The egg is black, smooth, and has a simple bullet/egg shape with a retrieval cord. No weird ridges, no fancy curves. It’s meant to hit the G-spot, but honestly, with this shape and size, it’s more of a general internal vibrator than a precise G-spot tool. If you position it right, you can feel some focused pressure, but it’s not as targeted as a curved wand or a classic G-spot toy.

The size is a plus if you’re looking for something that doesn’t feel massive. At about 3 inches insertable, it’s pretty beginner-friendly. It doesn’t feel intimidating to insert, and it sits fairly comfortably once in place, especially with a bit of lube. What I liked is that it doesn’t bulge weirdly in underwear, so physically it is discreet: no obvious outline in jeans or a skirt when standing or walking normally.

Where the design falls a bit short is the noise level. On the lower steady setting, it’s borderline acceptable for public use if there’s background noise (busy bar, loud restaurant, outside with traffic). But as soon as you go up a level or switch to some of the more intense patterns, it gets quite buzzy. One Amazon reviewer said it’s “super loud”, and I get where that’s coming from. In a quiet room you definitely hear it, and I’d be nervous using higher levels in a quiet place like a cinema or a calm café.

The remote itself is fine: small, easy to hide in a pocket, and the buttons are clear. I didn’t accidentally press anything, which is important if you don’t want to suddenly jump to max power in public. The overall design is practical but basic. No screen, no app, no fancy extras. If you want something that just turns on and vibrates without any learning curve, this does that. Just don’t expect whisper-quiet operation or a super anatomical shape.

The battery life is quoted around 40–60 minutes, and that lines up roughly with what I got. On mixed use (switching between low, medium, and some patterns), I got just under an hour before it started to fade. On mostly high power, it dropped closer to 40–45 minutes. That’s enough for a normal play session or a night out, but don’t expect several long sessions on one charge.

Charging is done via USB, and that part is simple. You plug it in, leave it for a couple of hours, and it’s ready again. There’s no fancy charging dock, just a cable, which is fine by me. One thing I liked is the travel lock feature. I tested it by putting it in a bag and pressing it accidentally; it didn’t turn on, which is reassuring if you’re traveling or just tossing it in a drawer. No one wants a buzzing suitcase or bedside table.

There’s no detailed battery indicator, so you don’t know exactly how much charge is left. It’s more of a “it works until it doesn’t” situation. For most people that’s fine, but if you like to plan long sessions, you’ll want to top it up before using it. I didn’t have it die suddenly in the middle of use; I noticed the vibrations getting weaker, which gave me a bit of warning.

Overall, the battery side is good enough but not impressive. It matches what one reviewer mentioned about around 60 minutes runtime. For a small love egg, that’s pretty standard. If you want a toy that lasts multiple long sessions between charges, you’ll probably need to look at bigger or more expensive models. For casual use and date nights, this battery life is acceptable.

Comfort-wise, I’d say this toy is okay but not perfect. The small size definitely helps. Once it’s in with a bit of lube, it doesn’t feel overly intrusive, and you can walk around without that “overstuffed” feeling some bulkier toys give. For sitting, it’s mostly fine, though if you sit on a very hard chair you can sometimes feel a bit of pressure depending on the angle. Lying down or standing is where it’s the most comfortable.

The hard plastic and the shape mean that if it’s not positioned right, you can feel it poking a bit. It’s not painful, but it can be a bit distracting rather than pleasurable. I had to adjust it a couple of times to find a spot that felt good and didn’t make me constantly aware of the toy in a bad way. Once I found a reasonable position, I could forget about it between vibration bursts, which is what you want from a wearable toy.

Another part of comfort is the mental side: can you relax while using it in public, or are you constantly worried someone will hear it? On low, with enough background noise, I was able to relax and enjoy the teasing. In a quiet hallway or in the car with the engine off, I was way more tense, because the buzz is clearly audible. That kind of kills the fun if you’re anxious about it. So comfort here really depends on where you plan to use it and at what power level.

For longer sessions, around 30–40 minutes, I didn’t get sore, but I did feel like I wanted to take a break, mostly because of the hard material and the constant internal pressure. If you’re very sensitive, you might find it a bit too rigid for long-term wear. Overall, it’s wearable and manageable, but not the most naturally comfortable toy I’ve tried. It works best for shorter, playful sessions rather than hours of continuous wear.

The toy is made from hard plastic, and you can feel that right away. If you’re used to soft silicone toys, this will feel different. There’s no give, no squish, just a smooth hard surface. On the plus side, that makes it very easy to clean and dry. On the downside, it doesn’t have that soft, skin-like feel some people prefer for internal toys. Personally, I don’t mind hard plastic for a love egg, but I wouldn’t call it super comfortable without lube.

The surface is smooth and doesn’t have any obvious seams that rub or scratch. I checked around the middle and near the retrieval cord, and nothing felt rough. It does feel a bit “gadgety”, like an electronic device rather than a body-focused toy. That’s not a dealbreaker, but it’s worth knowing. You’ll definitely want to use a water-based lube as Lovehoney suggests; dry insertion with this material is not pleasant if you’re not already very aroused.

Because it’s plastic, there’s no smell straight out of the box, which I liked. Some cheaper toys have that strong rubbery or chemical smell; this one didn’t. It feels solid enough in the hand, not hollow or rattly. The weight is light but not feather-light, so it doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall apart if you drop it. For the price bracket, I’d say the material quality is pretty solid but nothing special.

In terms of safety, hard ABS plastic is generally considered body-safe and non-porous, so cleaning with soap and water is enough. Being fully waterproof helps too; you don’t have to stress about getting it wet. If you’re looking for a soft silicone, premium-feel toy, this isn’t it. But if you just want something sturdy, easy to clean, and low maintenance, the material choice fits that brief.

On the performance side, the toy is pretty reliable but not flawless. The remote connection worked well for me most of the time. My partner could control it from a couple of metres away, through clothes and even through a table. There were no random disconnects or weird delays, which I’ve had with some cheaper remote toys. The commands (changing modes, turning it off) happened basically instantly. That’s important when you’re trying to be discreet and not leave it buzzing at max level by accident.

The vibration strength, like I said, is mid-range. It’s not weak, but it’s not very strong either. Compared to some bigger rechargeable bullets I own, this feels a bit less powerful, which is not shocking given the size and price. Still, for an internal egg, it’s acceptable. It’s enough to make you react and squirm a bit when your partner cranks it up, which is kind of the point for public play.

One thing to flag is the noise vs power trade-off. To get the more satisfying intensity, you have to use the higher speed, but that’s where the noise really picks up. So you’re constantly choosing between discreet but mild (low power) or satisfying but risky (higher power). At home it’s not an issue, but out in public you really feel that limitation. This matches some of the mixed reviews: some users find it fun and effective, others complain it’s loud and not that great.

Overall, I’d say the performance is stable and predictable. It turns on, it cycles through modes, it responds to the remote. No random shut-offs or glitches in my testing. It just doesn’t hit that strong, deep vibration level that some people look for. So performance is solid from a technical point of view, but only average when it comes to intensity.

Out of the box, the Secret Agent is pretty straightforward. You get the egg itself, the remote, a USB charging cable and the usual small manual from Lovehoney. No fancy extras, no pouch, nothing special. It’s the kind of packaging where you open it, take the toy out, and you’re basically ready to go in two minutes. For me that’s fine, but if you like accessories and storage bags, you’ll have to use your own.

The egg is compact, about 3 inches insertable length, and made of hard plastic. It doesn’t feel cheap in the hand, but it also doesn’t feel premium. Think decent gadget, not luxury toy. The remote is small and light, with simple buttons. It’s not confusing at all: one button for power, one to cycle through modes. My partner picked it up and figured it out without even reading the manual, which is exactly what I want from a remote toy.

There are 10 functions in total: 3 steady speeds and 7 patterns. That sounds like a lot, but in practice I ended up using mainly the steady speeds. Some of the patterns felt a bit random and not very useful for building up. Still, if you like variety and switching things mid-session, there’s enough to play with. Also, the remote worked reliably up to a few metres for us, even through a table and under clothes, which is a good point.

Overall, the presentation is functional and simple. It feels like a basic love egg kit: nothing fancy, but everything you need is there. The product page doesn’t oversell it with crazy promises, and that matches the real-world experience. You get a compact remote egg that’s more about playful control than intense power or luxurious feel.

In terms of actual pleasure, the Secret Agent is decent but not more than that. The vibrations are more on the buzzy side than deep and rumbly. On the highest steady setting, it’s strong enough to feel clearly and to get you going, but if you’re used to more powerful toys, this won’t hit the same level. For me, it worked best as a teasing toy during foreplay or while out, not as the main tool for finishing.

The 10 modes sound impressive, but in practice I mainly used the three steady speeds. The patterns are there, and some people will like them, but a few of them felt a bit too choppy and not very helpful for building arousal. I’d say the middle steady speed is the sweet spot for public play: strong enough to feel, not so strong that the noise gets ridiculous. At home, the highest setting is fine, but the sound is obvious in a quiet room.

Reaching orgasm with just this toy is possible, but it took time and the right mood. For me, it worked better combined with some external stimulation (hand or another toy) rather than on its own. Internally, it gives a good general vibration, but the shape doesn’t press super precisely on the G-spot unless you’re positioned just right. If you’re very sensitive internally, you might get more out of it than I did. If you rely strongly on clitoral stimulation, this will be more of a supporting act.

Where it shines is the interaction with a partner. Handing over the remote and letting someone else control the speed and patterns does add a fun layer, even if the vibrations themselves aren’t wild. It’s more about the surprise and the timing than about raw power. So in terms of effectiveness, I’d say: good for teasing, decent for pleasure, not the best choice if you want intense, fast results.