Lovehoney Secret Agent Remote Control Vibrator Review: a discreet love egg that’s fun but not flawless

I picked up the Lovehoney Secret Agent remote control vibrator because I wanted something small, discreet, and not too pricey to play with during nights out and at home with my partner. I’d already tried one or two more expensive love eggs before, so I wasn’t going in blind. This one sits more in the “budget but branded” zone, so I was curious to see if it actually holds up or if it’s just a toy you use twice and forget in a drawer.

Over a couple of weeks, I tested it in a few situations: at home alone, in bed with my partner, and once under clothes while we went out. I also tried it in the shower, because it’s supposed to be fully waterproof. I charged it fully between sessions and paid attention to battery life, noise level, and how comfortable it is to keep in for more than ten minutes. Basically, I used it the way a normal person would, not like a lab test.

From the start, what stood out was how small and light it is. If you’re used to bigger, silicone toys, this one feels more like a hard gadget than a soft sex toy. That’s not necessarily bad, but it does change the sensation and how easily it stays in place. The 10 vibration modes sound nice on paper, but in practice I ended up using only a couple of them. The rest felt more like gimmicks than useful patterns.

Overall, I’d say it’s a decent entry-level love egg. It’s fun, it works, but it’s not mind-blowing and it has some clear downsides: the noise, the battery life, and the feel of the hard plastic. If you’ve never used a remote egg before, it can be a fun first step. If you already own a better quality one, this will probably feel like a downgrade.

For the price bracket it sits in, I’d say the Lovehoney Secret Agent is fair value, but not a steal. You’re paying for a branded product with a decent reputation, basic waterproofing, a remote, and multiple modes. It’s not dirt cheap, but it’s also not in the high-end range where you expect premium materials and very strong motors. The Amazon rating around 4/5 matches my feeling: it’s okay, not fantastic.

What you actually get for the money: a small, easy-to-clean love egg that does its job, but with some compromises – mainly the hard plastic feel, average battery life, and noticeable noise. If this is your first love egg and you just want to see if the whole “remote control” thing is your style, it’s a reasonable starting point. You’re not spending a fortune, and you still get something that works and is backed by a known brand.

Compared to more expensive silicone eggs with app control and stronger motors, you do feel the difference. Those usually have deeper vibrations, better ergonomics, and more refined design. But they can cost two or three times more. So it really depends on your budget and expectations. If you want a fun toy for occasional use and you’re okay with some limits, this is a pretty solid mid-range choice. If you already know you love this kind of toy and you want something powerful and super quiet, I’d say save a bit more and go for a higher-end model instead.

In short, the value is decent: you get what you pay for, no more, no less. It’s not a rip-off, but it’s also not the bargain of the century. It sits right in the middle: functional, fun enough, but clearly budget-conscious in terms of materials and performance.

Design-wise, it’s very straightforward: an oval egg in pink hard plastic with a small retrieval tail, and a matching remote. No fancy curves or special textures, just a smooth bullet-style shape that is meant to hit the G-spot. The size is pretty modest, which can be reassuring if you’re not into large toys. For me, the small size made insertion easy, but it also meant it didn’t feel very filling, more like a focused vibrator than anything else.

The remote is simple: one main button to cycle through the modes and an on/off function. It’s easy to use in the dark or under the covers because there aren’t too many buttons to think about. You can change modes quickly, which is handy when your partner is controlling it. The range seemed fine in a normal-sized apartment; I didn’t have issues with the signal dropping when my partner was in the same room or just outside the door. I didn’t test it across a whole bar or anything extreme, but for bedroom and living room use, it was okay.

The biggest design downside for me is the noise level. At the lowest setting it’s not crazy loud, but it’s not exactly stealth either. In a quiet room, you clearly hear it under the blanket. Under clothes while walking around the house, you can hear a faint buzzing. In a noisy bar or outside with street noise, you’d probably get away with it, but in a quiet restaurant or cinema, I’d be nervous. One of the Amazon reviews calling it “super loud” is a bit harsh, but I get where they’re coming from if they expected something almost silent.

As far as discretion goes, it’s okay but not top-tier. It’s discreet in size and look, but the sound and the hard plastic material make it feel more like a small gadget than a super stealth toy. If you want something ultra quiet and soft, this isn’t it. If you’re fine with a bit of buzz and only plan to use it in relatively noisy settings or at home, the design is acceptable.

The battery is rechargeable via USB, which is standard now and much better than dealing with tiny watch batteries. From empty to full, it took around 90 minutes on my USB charger. Lovehoney claims about 40 minutes of use, and that lines up roughly with what I saw. On medium to high power, I got around 35–45 minutes before I noticed the intensity dropping and then it eventually stopped.

If you’re using it for a single session or a bit of teasing during foreplay, that’s enough. But if you like long sessions or wearing it for an entire evening, the battery feels a bit short. One of the Amazon reviewers mentioned around 60 minutes; in my case it was more like 40–45 usable minutes before it felt weak. It’s not tragic, but you do have to remember to charge it regularly. There’s no detailed battery indicator either, so it can die on you mid-session if you forget.

The travel lock is a nice touch. I threw it in a bag and it didn’t accidentally turn on, which is always good if you don’t want a buzzing suitcase. Charging is simple: small port, cable included, and it worked with any USB plug I tried. No weird proprietary charger, which I appreciate because those are annoying to replace if you lose them.

Overall, I’d rate the battery as average. It’s not terrible, but also not impressive. It’s fine for casual use and quick fun, but if you want something that lasts several hours between charges, you’ll probably need to look at more expensive models with bigger batteries.

In terms of comfort, the small size is both the main strength and the main weakness. On the good side, it’s easy to insert, even if you’re not used to toys or if you prefer something more compact. There’s no stretching, no feeling of being too full, so for quick sessions or a bit of teasing, it’s pretty straightforward. With lube, it goes in smoothly and sits reasonably well.

Where I started to have mixed feelings was during longer wear. After about 20–30 minutes of walking around the house with it inside, I noticed the hard plastic more. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s not exactly “forget it’s there” comfortable either. If you’re sitting or lying down, it’s fine. But if you move a lot, the rigid shell and the lack of flexibility can make it feel a bit pokey, especially when it’s on higher vibration levels.

The shape is supposed to target the G-spot, but for me it didn’t land perfectly on that spot unless I adjusted my position. Lying on my back or slightly on my side felt better than standing or walking. So, comfort really depends on how you plan to use it. For a short, playful session in bed, it’s okay. For wearing it under clothes for a whole evening, I personally wouldn’t pick this one. I’d prefer something softer and more ergonomic.

Also, the retrieval tail is small but noticeable. It doesn’t dig in, but you do feel it a bit against your labia or underwear. Nothing painful, just something to be aware of. Overall, comfort is acceptable but not great. It works, you can use it without suffering, but if you’re sensitive or planning long wear, there are more comfortable options out there, especially in silicone with a more flexible design.

The toy is made from hard plastic, and you feel that immediately. There’s no soft silicone coating, no velvety finish, just a smooth, glossy shell. On the practical side, that makes it very easy to clean. A quick wash with warm water and mild soap, plus a toy cleaner if you use one, and it’s done. Because it’s fully waterproof, you don’t have to stress about getting it wet. From a hygiene point of view, that part is solid.

On the flip side, hard plastic doesn’t feel as nice as silicone against the skin, at least for me. It’s a bit colder when you first insert it, and it has zero give. If you like a bit of softness or a more “body-like” feel, you won’t get that here. You really feel like you’re inserting a gadget. Some people don’t care, but personally I prefer silicone for internal toys because it feels more comfortable and forgiving if you move around.

Another detail: since it’s plastic, using a water-based lube is straightforward and safe. I used a basic water-based lube (as recommended) and it helped a lot with comfort. Without lube, the hard plastic and the small size can feel a bit too rigid on insertion. Once it’s in place, it’s okay, but I wouldn’t skip lube with this one, especially if you’re sensitive or not very warmed up.

Overall, I’d say the materials are practical but not very sexy. They keep the price down and make cleaning simple, but you sacrifice that nice soft-touch feel you get with better silicone toys. If you’re picky about texture and comfort, it might bother you. If you just want something that’s easy to wash and you don’t care much about the tactile side, you’ll be fine with it.

Performance-wise, I focused on three things: vibration strength, remote reliability, and noise. Let’s start with the vibrations. For a small egg, the power is okay. It’s not super weak, but it’s clearly not as intense as bigger toys or premium eggs. The 10 modes are a bit overkill in my opinion; after testing them all once, I mainly used 2 steady speeds and one pattern. The patterns are the usual pulsing and waves – nothing new, and some feel a bit too chaotic to be really enjoyable.

The remote range was fine in my flat. My partner could stand a few meters away, even behind a door, and it still responded. There was a tiny delay sometimes when switching modes, but nothing dramatic. I didn’t experience random disconnects or the toy stopping on its own. For home use and probably most public scenarios where you’re not 20 meters apart, it works. I wouldn’t expect miracles through thick walls or in a very crowded environment with a lot of interference, but for normal use, it’s okay.

The noise is where performance drops a bit. On the lowest speed under a duvet, it’s discreet but still audible in a quiet room. On higher speeds and with patterns, the buzzing becomes more noticeable. If you live with roommates and have thin walls, they probably won’t hear it in the next room, but anyone in the same room would. Under clothes in a quiet place, I’d be a bit paranoid. In a noisy bar or a busy street, it’s much less of a problem because the ambient noise covers it.

In short: performance is good enough for playful use, but it doesn’t feel like a high-end device. It does what it says: it vibrates, the remote works, but there are limits in power and discretion. If you go in with realistic expectations, you’ll probably find it fun. If you expect super strong, super quiet performance, this won’t tick all your boxes.

Out of the box, you get the egg itself, the remote, a USB charging cable, and the usual small leaflet with basic instructions. Nothing fancy. The branding is low-key, which is nice if you don’t want a big flashy sex toy logo lying around. The toy is about 9 cm long overall, with around 3 inches (so roughly 7.5 cm) insertable, and it weighs around 60 g. So it’s light and easy to handle. The remote is small enough to hide in your palm or pocket without being too obvious.

The instructions are basic but clear enough: charge it fully before first use, how to turn on the travel lock, how to sync the remote, and how to cycle through the 10 modes (3 constant speeds + 7 patterns). No long manual, but you don’t really need more. I had it up and running in a couple of minutes. There’s no pouch included, which is a bit annoying if you like to keep toys clean and separate. I just ended up using a small fabric bag I already had.

In terms of first impression, it looks like a simple, no-frills toy. No fancy textures, no extra attachments, just a smooth hard plastic egg with a tail and a matching remote. If you expect something luxurious, you’ll be disappointed. If you just want something that does the basic job, the presentation matches that. It feels like an affordable gadget rather than a premium item.

Compared to some other love eggs I’ve tried, the overall presentation is a bit basic but not cheap in a scary way. It doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall apart in your hands, but it also doesn’t give you that “wow, this is going to be my new favourite toy” vibe when you first open it. It’s more like, “okay, let’s see if this actually works as advertised.”

On the pleasure side, I’d say this toy is decent but not mind-blowing. The vibrations are more on the buzzy side than deep and rumbly. You get 3 steady speeds plus 7 patterns, but in reality I stuck to the steady speeds most of the time. The lowest speed is okay for warm-up, the middle one is the most usable, and the highest one gives a decent kick but also ramps up the noise quite a bit.

For internal G-spot stimulation, it worked better when I was lying down and slightly tilted my pelvis, so the egg pressed more against the front wall. Standing or walking, the contact with the G-spot wasn’t always consistent, so the sensation was more like a general internal buzzing than a focused hit. I did manage to climax with it, but I had to combine it with some clitoral stimulation using my hand. As a pure G-spot toy on its own, it was okay but not strong enough for me.

Where it does shine a bit is the remote play with a partner. Handing over the remote and letting them switch speeds and patterns while you’re doing something else is fun. It adds a bit of tension and surprise, even if the vibrations themselves are not the strongest I’ve ever felt. For teasing and foreplay, it gets the job done. If you expect it to knock you out in two minutes, you might be disappointed.

So overall, effectiveness is very personal, but my take is: it works, it can bring you to orgasm with some help, and it’s fun in a couple context. If you’re used to powerful wand vibrators or high-end toys, this will feel like a lighter, more playful option rather than a serious “I need to get off now” tool. Not useless, not fantastic, just middle-of-the-road.